Dear Uncle Randy,
Pedestrian crossings, it’s just a constant stream of bloody people and the cars have to give way, put lights in so they have to bloody wait, or let me run them over.
Well, there are probably those who would vehemently defend both the value and priority of pedestrian travel, perhaps citing such grounds as climate change, rising levels of obesity, and the general canine appeal of “going for walkies”. Surely, they would champion the infrastructure of such crossings and town planning in all forms.
But why concern oneself with such trifling forays into law and order? They are but futile attempts to control the deluge of indefatigable disorder inherent to this universe of chaos; Canute-like behaviour in the face of an ever entropic descent toward peril, extinction, and total annihilation! What if, fundamentally, nothing matters, existence is well and truly meaningless, and any number of arguments for or against this or that are as equally nugatory as the next? One must wonder why such entities bother, when the only thing that is certain about this trivial universal condition is death and nihility? Societies and governments and innocent lolly-pop ladies may insist on trying to tame these tumultuous torrents, to mediate and bring order to those wholly irrational forces of contradiction that snarl each other in their constant state of strife; but for what?! Why worry oneself with more rules and regulations and traffic lights, further sterile efforts of containment?
So just fucking do it; run them over! Nothing matters! Unbuckle your seatbelt, throw back a shot of gasoline, and kick existence in the balls from behind! Plough head first into the vortex of pandemonium and embody the high octane bedlam of non-existence! It will be an interesting exercise in asserting the power of your free will in a directionless universe. With no objective values, no absolute right or wrong, all one can do is choose. Turn left, or turn right; accelerate or brake; sit back, wait and watch, or turn on the windscreen wipers as the mass of pedestrian bodies bounces off the hood. All is fair in the universe of war, antithesis, and anarchy, so do as you will. Like a fart in a hurricane, the echoes of your actions will be lost to the winds of eternity.
Find the original in print in some places in Queenstown, and here online! https://issuu.com/thesourceonline/docs/source_aug17_issuu/10?ff=true